It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
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