So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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