I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
