I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
