If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
