so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
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Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
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He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
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