He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Houston, we have a squirter
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
