a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
