ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
