NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
