i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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