Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize