And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
