I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
