There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
