this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Randomize
