I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
