just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
My vagina just recognized that song.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
