found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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