uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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