Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
