your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
