I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Actions speak louder than pants.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
