he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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