why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
