her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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