once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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