On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Randomize
