we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
