the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
