I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
