Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
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i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
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No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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