U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
