I cockslap morals
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
