I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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