Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
