Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
