He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
