And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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