in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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