y did u give ur computer a hand job?
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
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