Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
