So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
