I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Randomize
