I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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