It's like God shit irony all over that family
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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