I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Randomize
