Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
