Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
