So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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