i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
