i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
