well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
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