Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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