A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
