ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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