Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
