woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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