bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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