oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
