There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize