There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
