Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
